but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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