she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize
