dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
found the other keg... it's in the tree
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
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