Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
