Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
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