Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Randomize
