Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
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