Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Randomize
