I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Randomize