So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
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