Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Randomize
