Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
I love you. Go after that dick
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
My feet surprised me
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