After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
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