just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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