I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize
