it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
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