The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
