NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Randomize
