the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
Randomize
