i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
