Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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