Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
Randomize
