Where did you get a picture of my penis
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
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