i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
