Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
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