I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
Did I show you my penis last night?
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
i need some magic done to my vagina
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Randomize
