I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
