Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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