do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
