oh fat girl friday strikes again...
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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