Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
