Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
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