it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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