I don't usually arrange sex via text message
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Randomize