We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
it glows. i had to have it.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
