WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
