guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Randomize
