Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Randomize