chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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