I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
