I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Randomize
