She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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