Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
