he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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