I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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