Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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