I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Randomize
