I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Randomize