You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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