and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
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