That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
