What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
