ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
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