He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
