are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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