tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Randomize
