I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
he thought i was a dude.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
That accounts for only three of the penises
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
try to milk me bitch
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
