I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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