3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
I just found puke in my bra..
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Randomize
