fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
We left the knife in your bed.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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