SEEEEXXX PLEASE
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
