So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Randomize
