What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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