woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
