DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Randomize
