i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
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