Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
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