Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize
