I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
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