What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
