I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Why did my mother make you get naked?
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Randomize