I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
