Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
Three words: puerto rican gang bang
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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