found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
So squirting runs in the family.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Randomize
