Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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