I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
